hummm.

so i work in a really decent shop - decent meaning we do good work, we generally all get along, generally all do what needs to be done without having to be told .... with the exception of one person - and of course she is the one who bitches the loudest. and today i wonder what would actually happen if i ripped her 'i wish i was beyonce - and i'm so damn not' wig off of her head and fed it to her.

it makes a happy little thought in my head to think on it.

and today is saturday - so i don't have to be at work until noon .... and i'm considering making pancakes for breakfast - basically because i can - but tomorrow is better.

i'm going to breakfast with cherie - then depending on weather angela and i are either going to lay out at the pool ALL DAMN DAY ( yes, kd - with sunscreen ) or sew. i have 2 sewing machines now - which basically means i have a sweatshop in my house. i want this to be the summer of girly skirts and sun dresses. i realize i'm fat - but i also realize that damnit - i'm a grown ass woman and if i wanna put my fat arms out there - i'm going to. and i want to and i'm gonig to.

so the sweatshop will be open and we will sew until our own fingers bleed - the upside of all of this is that we tend to average at least one bottle of wine per sewing adventure.

oh, and have i mentioned my birthday is coming up? cause it is ... and i'm also working on a lot of home improvement projects - getting new carpet installed, painting ( those had been plans,but then there was some talk about moving up north to be with todd - so i put the improvements on hold - but now, fuck that - i'm doing what i want ), and part of that improvement is doing some work in the back yard to make it more fun. i got new patio furniture and moved the grill off the patio and onto some pavers so there's a little more space. also, the bottle tree i had in the front finally fell apart so mom and dad got me a new one from here - the BIG DADDY!


i'm excited. i need some outdoor lighting, speakers for the outside, a little more seating, and then it's party time .... woohoo!

if you can tell from the not so damn sad tone of this post, today is a good day so far. todd and i have talked some, i know he loves me ( as best he can ) but sadly right now - he's choosing to be a volunteer for his depression. i can't be angry at someone who is doing what i myself have done. i just now know that there's nothing wrong with the depression - it's something that can be managed with medicine and therapy - and when he makes that jump - he'll feel better, i can recommend it - beg for it - support it .... but it's his choice. when he manages his depression - he'll be back to old todd.....and we'll still be friends.

maybe more, probably not. but i still wish him good mental health ( thanks frasier ) cause i remember how bad not managing it feels -i wouldn't wish that on anyone.