so here we go.... t-minus 5 days.

***i started writing this on paper at work yesterday ( 5/27/09 ) and finished up today ***

Some people do most of their reflecting at new years ( once again relegated to a HATED holiday ). I tend to do mine around my birthday. And yes, we've come to that time again. 39 is just a few days away. I can't help but think about the last year.

*I'm still a hairbanger, switched shops for about 2 months, then went back to my small, dumpy, kinda cheap shop where i'm less than 1 mile from home - have a schedule made of win {smell that? it's a 3 day weekend, every weekend} ...so i have life kinda easy and sweet..

*I finally got the answers i needed to the whole travis thing

*i fell head over heels ( sometimes literally ) crazy in love with someone i was pretty fuckin' sure i was going to have my happily ever after with....and due to a myriad of circumstances it's not working out. He promised me he'd never leave & he kinda did. My female friends say he's not gone - he's working on him. and i'm sure that's true ....however my male friends (one in particular who i totally trust ) says it's funeral time, bury it - it's dead....i don't know what to believe yet.

*i'm still crazy about "the numb3rs" it's funny, we've really not been friends all that long & yet i can't imagine life without them - or really remember when they weren't there.

*i'm still best of friends with the texan. we have our moments, days, weeks, where we don't talk ( generally because he's been an ass....but we always return to friends - that's nice to count on)

*i've got more of a grip on my mental health - i can tell when it's time to get help - and when it's just the blues

*i've got a good relationship with my parents, maybe better than ever.

Still working on

* my relationship with my faith ... whatever that's going to look like. thoughts on god, life, death, love, & religion.

*the promise i made myself that i would not be fat at 40....i have one year left to make good on that one with myself

*i have been better at seeing my long distance friends, i want more of that - i need more face time with those i call "face"

5/28/09

so yesterday, i was in the suck. not saying is yippie - but i'm allowing one day to feel like todd is going to take me under. that was yesterday - and he's not going to. i am going to be fine. and so is he. we might be fine together. we might not be.

either way, it's not going to be what kills me.

no matter what, ( at least right now ) i still love that damn man, and i'm not giving up on hope. ...not yet at least.

last night eeyore came over on his way out of town to see his folks and brought me some xanax that angela had for me ( thanks, ang ) THAT is a good friend - both of them actually. I still chuckle at how after all these years, he's one of my best friends in Atlanta. Life is funny - sometimes heartbreaking, but funny.

I'm going to do my best today to stay out of the funk - gonna talk to friends who have soft kind words that i need today, and not communicate so much with my friends who area maybe a little too honest and it feels a little harsh...and get thru today.


.....because in 5 short days, i'm going to be 39 years old.

HOLY CRAP!

no husband, no boyfriend, no kids ..... but i have mike, excellent friends, a killer rack, new patio furniture, a pool membership & cold beer in the fridge, could be much much worse.