so it's sunday.

and i was so tempted to title this "sunday, sunday" not unlike "monday, monday" - but that whole mackenzie phillips thing skeeved me out so much - i had to skip that plan.

so, since it's sunday - i had breakfast with eeyore. it's interesting - about a month ago he suggested that we get together every sunday for breakfast, i said sure why not, knowing that it would NEVER happen -because really, everytime we have made plans along those lines - it never works out. and i'll be damned if we haven't had breakfast together the last month of sundays. it's become something i've grown to look forward to. it's never anything fancy - but it's an hour or so a week where we catch up and re-connect. i still shake my head in wonder sometimes at how we ended up such good friends when all odds were against that for years. it's kinda nice.

what's not so nice is my moment last week when i was unable to "keep my pimp hand strong" and i called todd. he of course didn't answer, and i of course left a voice mail. it said something to the effect of " look here negro, get off of whoever you're on top of and call me, cause damn"

and of course there was no call.

i think all of this has really changed how i feel about "love" at least romantic love. i really do think it's crap. i think there's an initial attraction, whether it's physical, or that someone makes you laugh, or it's one irish car bomb too many. but then it's just a decision on whether or not you can tolerate someone's patterns and personality. and by this time, you've been naked with them, so that part doesn't stop. it's just sex with someone you can predict. it may be comfort, but it's not love.

i re-read the words he wrote me, clearly in the intitial attraction, and i think of how i believed the forever words he wrote, and how he spoke of love, and how i believed it.

i was a sucker, i was.

but not any more, and not in a hard, men suck , or live is a bitch and they you die - kinda way...but a i don't think it is a real thing. i will no longer search for it, - if i find someone that has patterns that match with mine ... that's fine. and if i don't - whatever, i'm going to do what i want to...and no longer what 'he' would think of it or consider any other attraction i have cheating. because that last year was a lie - and i'm not living that lie anymore.

the new truth, romantic "love" is a lie. created by hallmark cards, songwriters, and lifetime movies.

so. no more looking for love. no more looking for mr. right.

but quite possibly looking for mr. saturday night ( then get the hell out and lock the bottom lock on the front door on your way out kthxbye )